Happiness

I had a long conversation this morning with a friend who is going through a divorce. While this separation came as little surprise to me, there were none of what I call the 'big A's', adultery, alcoholism, addition or abuse instigating the break up. My friend was just 'not happy'.

This conversation, and a discussion Ron and I had at the breakfast table this morning made me start thinking about happiness and marriage. I read an article the other day about divorce and how people were no more happy after ending a marriage then before (unless the 'big A's' were present) because it isn't a marriage that makes one happy or not happy, but a sense of inner happiness that extends out to your daily life.

There are also studies that suggest we are born with a certain level of satisfaction in life and that some of us have to work harder then others to be happy.

Ron & I have been struggling with the daily grind and both of us have been testier than usual. I find that I am trying hard 'not to be angry' in my daily interchanges with him and the kids, and I believe (in watching his facial expressions and first responses) that he is doing the same. My statements to him about us being 'less angry' led him to comment that anger was a symptom of our not being happy, not a cause.

Thought provoking statement: Instead of trying not to be angry we should work harder at being happy.

I created a list of things that make me happy. I have a feeling if I execute on more of these things (and encourage Ron to execute on his own list) I will be 'less angry'.

Running makes me happy. Especially on the treadmill with music on.
Driving with the top down on a convertible by myself with Santana cranking makes me happy. I sing at the top of my lungs, which doesn't make anyone else happy, but is why I like to do this alone.
Eating with chopsticks makes me happy. I don't know why, but it does.
Watching a family member accomplish something makes me happy. Robbie being in a play, Ron doing a speech at a fraternity event, Hannah singing in Japanese...anything that puts them in the spotlight for positive reasons. I like running the side lines cheering my team on.
Gossiping with friends about inconsequential things makes me smile. Not work, just stuff that doesn't matter.
Accomplishing a goal. This one is huge for me. I have a huge bent towards execution, versus just planning. Ron likes to plan things but doesn't have to execute them. It took me a long time to understand that just because he wants to do something doesn't mean he has to. If I get an idea, I have to execute it because I love to finish something I start.
Being by the water makes me very happy. It can be the Healy, our cottage lake, the ocean, Lake Tahoe from a ski lift or a fire pit on the beach. Looking out on water helps me gain perspective. I genuinely believe you can't be angry by the water.
Change makes me happy. I mean life changes, not nickels, dimes and quarters.
Roses make me happy.
Fire pits, fire places, and candles that are burning make me happy.
Bathes make me happy.
New places, new people and new ideas make me happy.

The list could go on and on.

If I could check off a third of these items I am positive I would be 'less angry'.

What makes you happy?