After

Its over. We have just completed the orgy of giving that is Christmas at my house. The children are spent, and our wallets empty.

This year was difficult as Ron struggled to understand why everyone on the planet would accept his Xmas wishes and return them with the exception of his mother.

Ron's mom hasn't talked to Ron since a week before a planned trip to Toronto at the end of September. Needless to say, as a wife, mother, sister in law and daughter in law, I have many emotions surrounding the situation. I will not get into the details of his mother's issues except to say that this is a behavior pattern for her that is irrelevant to anything that her family has control over and that this is certainly not the first time she has cut family or friends from her life, and more than likely won't be the last.

My conundrum is how to deal with this issue. How do I, as a loving wife, express my concern, anger and lack of understanding with out boiling over to recriminations? I am angry. On the behalf of my son, who has physically lost loving grandparents (including both of Scott's parents, and Ron's dad) and who has been abandoned quite callusly by the 'surrogate' grandmother that Ron's mom had become. How about Hannah? No call, no card, no nothing on her 4th birthday? How, no matter what issues or psychosis envelops a person how can they 'punish' a 4 year old?

I am trying (hard) to follow Ron's lead.

Ron called. He spoke fearfully to his younger brother and asked if he could have Hannah wish his mom a Merry Xmas. He was rebuffed. How wrong is this, no matter what the mental state of his mother?

Ron encircles himself with 'family'. Every where he goes he creates more family. There is the real Hutzul family (who in a series of phone calls reassured Ron of their love, understanding and support) that includes his sister Jen, her husband Dom, their children and his family. There is his grade school family...Colin, Mike and the Beaumiers who would love, just love to step in as Grandparents. There are the Pikes, a family of friends that condensed down somewhat to a core group.

Ron has, to some extent, reconciled himself to the fact that his biological mother is not someone he can count on to nuture his needs as a true mother should. He learned early on not to count on her. The lesson, I am sure, has been bitter. All the more amazing that he has evolved to the point he has and is working to be 'the better person'.

True motherly love is unconditional. Mothers should be their children's greatest cheerleaders, most staunch advocate, and if the occasion arises a mom should be the one sitting firmly next to her child even in the most difficult of circumstances. I applaud the mom's who, when confronted with the hideous facts of their children's indiscretions will go to the mat in their defense. It is how it should be. It is our job to make sure that our children have our shoulder, our arms and our hearts throughout their lifetime and even after we are gone. Scott, Robbie's dad, still feels the warm embrace of his mother Helga even though she left this earth 10 years ago.

Ron's nickname with his friends is Mother Hen. What does this tell you about him?