Guilty Pleasures

I am not a television watcher.

Prior to Ron coming into my life (and subsequently my home), I watched very little television. I had a couple shows (bad ones, I might add) that I would flip on during the few times I was at home. I had a tiny TV left over from my early years with Scott, so there was no real pleasure in the viewing. Television is not an escape for me. Robbie takes after me in this attitude. While he likes the concept of having show that he follows, he prefers to read books or draw, even during his viewing time. This is a frustration to Ron at times. Robbie and I only half focus on most movies we rent, instead moving between our books and the movie.

I have two shows I now watch (but not religiously enough to be consider a true follower). I am a huge fan of Anthony Bourdain's and I watch him on No Reservations (but never on the proscribed night it airs, just in re-runs when Ron is flipping through the channels). I have had a couple people point out that really, I am not so addicted to the show as much as I want his life of travel and new experiences. It is of the 'arm chair traveller' mentality, not the television or celebrity fan mentality that I approach my viewing.

Ron is different. Television (including movies at home) is his relaxtion method. He zones out, assuming the 'position' on the couch and could be satisfied watching just about anything. It is the mental escape he needs, not the stimulation.

This has pretty much held true for our entire relationship--however, the last couple days have been an exception. I discovered the 'What Not to Wear' Marathon and glued myself to the set from the early evening until bedtime the last couple evenings.

There was something about the ugly ducklings becoming beautiful swan's that really struck a chord in me. I found myself sensitive to their insecurities and recognizing that, while the show has plently of shallow moments there is a humanity to it that redeems it.

How many times have I stared in the mirror or looked in my closet (or even, as I did yesterday, try on 3 different tops) and realized, sadly, my shortcomings in appearance. As much as I try to focus on the 'inner beauty' I realize that right now, my insides pretty much match my outsides. They are sad, tired, and out of shape. I would guess that many women go through these periods in their lives. The times when, for all of the 'right reasons' we focus on the 'right things' but neglect to focus on our own selves, or if we do, we torpedo our efforts through a sense of guilt or lack of self control. I notice that the happier I am, the more self control I have.

It is self perpetuating, this sense of decline. The less attractive one feels, the less self control one has, the more one creates a field of self destructive landmines (or maintains a sense of apathy).

It is why, right or wrong, I am 'allowing' myself the guilty pleasure of another 'What Not to Wear' marathon if the opportunity should arise.