I was given great advice a while back from an unlikely source. A few years ago my Karate instructor (who wasn't known for being deep or thoughtful) took 20 minutes of our lesson to talk about techniques for dealing with stress. Our class was made up of type "A" adults chasingt the dream of achieving blackbelts in a testosterone ladin Kenpo Karate Dojo. This was not the kinder, gentler martial arts environment. This was a 'pop the broken nose back straight' and shake off the concussion kind of Dojo, yet we were all having difficulties balancing work, life, family and our own growth and desires.
He told us about stacking and chunking. Apparently we (probably the 'whiny, no real hardship' we) tend to stack the bad and chunk the good. An example of this is: I woke up in the morning yesterday in Tahoe, with pain, had to deal with my nephews bopping all over my folks condo, we had to clean up, hit the road after Ron finished his conference call, we didn't get out until 11:00 (after me, my brother and sis in law scrubbed clean the place) got stuck in the storm on highway 80 and took 5 hours to get down a normally 2 hour drive down the mountain...blah blah blah. See how I am stacking all of the bad stuff? I am picking apart the stresses of the day and stacking them up like bricks. At the rate I am going, there is going to be a tower of bricks in front of me and the stress of yesterday is going to seem insurmountable and overwhelming...but what if I chunked it? What if I said 'hey, we had a long day yesterday getting home from Tahoe, but we made it' Then, wow...the stress of yesterday melts away...it isn't even a bricks worth.
What do we do with the 'good stuff'? Those days, weekends, even weeks where everything goes great and good things pile upon good things? Do we say 'I woke up in the morning, had the best piece of sourdough bread EVER (Truckee Sourdough Company really does make the best sourdough bread), jumped into my ski clothing, got up to the ski area in time to get the BEST parking spot, got Hannah in ski school (even had the 'report card' from last trip) and she was BUMPED UP to a higher class!!! Then, rented the gear in a smooth and easy transaction and hand my first run of the day that was crisp and powdery and perfect!!! Blah Blah Blah...
This has been a goal of mine for a while and I am in the process of evangalizing this to who ever will listen. If I have enough people chunking the bad and stacking the good, I may even find myself surrounded by relaxed, happy and grateful people and then, hopefully some of that relaxation, positive attitude and good feeling will leach off on me!
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Choices
My husband had a conversation with his cousin yesterday. She is at a personal fork in the road and trying to make educated decisions about her future. She is balancing out personal goals, with personality and passions and the choices she has to make are confusing and stressful.
As far as I am concerned there are a few choices in life that you make that are irreversible (choices in regards to procreation and the outcome, a child, for instance 'ARE' irreversible). There are, however, many choices that can be made with the information you have at the time that, in hindsight, might not have been the best course of action...that, in the long run lead you to the path of the 'right choice' or a if not the right one, just a different one.
One of the things that is amazing about life is that it is impossible to predict the future with any sense of certainty. We can plan, and set goals, but at the end of the day, week, month or year, outside forces can occur to change and reshape those plans. While I don't advocate allowing life to 'happen', I do believe that many experiences occur for reasons that, at the time seem unrelated to our dreams, desires and futures and then end up being exactly the right thing for us at the right time.
My advice on choices is to make the choice that makes you happy and motivated and gets you out of bed in the morning. The choice that you make if there were no one else influencing you. After all...it is your life and you need to live it you way.
As far as I am concerned there are a few choices in life that you make that are irreversible (choices in regards to procreation and the outcome, a child, for instance 'ARE' irreversible). There are, however, many choices that can be made with the information you have at the time that, in hindsight, might not have been the best course of action...that, in the long run lead you to the path of the 'right choice' or a if not the right one, just a different one.
One of the things that is amazing about life is that it is impossible to predict the future with any sense of certainty. We can plan, and set goals, but at the end of the day, week, month or year, outside forces can occur to change and reshape those plans. While I don't advocate allowing life to 'happen', I do believe that many experiences occur for reasons that, at the time seem unrelated to our dreams, desires and futures and then end up being exactly the right thing for us at the right time.
My advice on choices is to make the choice that makes you happy and motivated and gets you out of bed in the morning. The choice that you make if there were no one else influencing you. After all...it is your life and you need to live it you way.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Uber Responsible
I have, ever since the age of 21, felt an over whelming sense of responsibility to the people in my life, the jobs I hold and the 'running' of my household. There were times in college, as well as early in my career when certain aspects of my life spun out of control and after dealing with the consequences of my actions I was determined to never let that happen again. That being said, it is impossible to be responsible for everything, to keep a grip on all that is your world and to do it with out either cutting corners or leaving loose ends.
Money is one of those things I am responsible about. I don't know if it is the moderate influence of my parents, or a true understanding of how, when you live with in your means, you never feel a crushing sense of impending doom when things in your work, or home life go sideways enough to 'cost' something.
I feel a huge sense of responsibility to my children too. With Robbie is a more complex role these days...the balance of giving him enough freedom, but still fully being there and being engaged. 16 is a very important age. He is so close to the sheltered independence that college will offer him and feel responsible for guidance, support and direction. Hannah, it is more a sense of day to day responsibilities and the 'introduction' to opportunities as she grows from a dependent toddler to a child with her own sense of self and direction.
Work is another responsibility. I sometimes wonder if I did a job that required no thought or strategic thinking, if life would be easier.
Responsibilty is, in many ways, a state of mind. I don't know if it is learned, nutured, or ingrained and why, I personally feel so much of it, so strongly...I just know I do.
Money is one of those things I am responsible about. I don't know if it is the moderate influence of my parents, or a true understanding of how, when you live with in your means, you never feel a crushing sense of impending doom when things in your work, or home life go sideways enough to 'cost' something.
I feel a huge sense of responsibility to my children too. With Robbie is a more complex role these days...the balance of giving him enough freedom, but still fully being there and being engaged. 16 is a very important age. He is so close to the sheltered independence that college will offer him and feel responsible for guidance, support and direction. Hannah, it is more a sense of day to day responsibilities and the 'introduction' to opportunities as she grows from a dependent toddler to a child with her own sense of self and direction.
Work is another responsibility. I sometimes wonder if I did a job that required no thought or strategic thinking, if life would be easier.
Responsibilty is, in many ways, a state of mind. I don't know if it is learned, nutured, or ingrained and why, I personally feel so much of it, so strongly...I just know I do.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Number 2
The company I work for recently lost first place in a technology announcement to one of our competitors and we are in the position of (if all goes well) being in second place.
What is it about being number two, versus number one that really matters? It isn't like you didn't 'place' or that your efforts weren't almost neck and neck with number one.
If you look at traditional competitions, number one wins the gold, the big check, the adulation, the endorsements and the glory. Who remembers who won the olympic silver or was second place on Survivor in season one?
In technology being number 2 (at least for a period of time) isn't the worst thing a company can do. Sometimes (maybe not in the case with Google) being number two means you learn from number one's mistakes. You watch as they go to market with new technology, new IP and then you take the best practices and the worst and you learn from their successes and their mistakes. Think about the browser space, the search space, the internet in general. Companies that reigned in the '90's (Mosaic, Alta Vista, even Yahoo!) are not the leaders of the new millineum.
As we grow as individuals, can we apply this process or principle in our assent to the top in our careers? Can we look at our colleagues in roles that have more prestige and compensation and say...hey, today I am going to learn from this person's successes, but also from their mistakes so that next time the opportunity arises, "I" will strive to be number one.
That, I believe, is possible.
What is it about being number two, versus number one that really matters? It isn't like you didn't 'place' or that your efforts weren't almost neck and neck with number one.
If you look at traditional competitions, number one wins the gold, the big check, the adulation, the endorsements and the glory. Who remembers who won the olympic silver or was second place on Survivor in season one?
In technology being number 2 (at least for a period of time) isn't the worst thing a company can do. Sometimes (maybe not in the case with Google) being number two means you learn from number one's mistakes. You watch as they go to market with new technology, new IP and then you take the best practices and the worst and you learn from their successes and their mistakes. Think about the browser space, the search space, the internet in general. Companies that reigned in the '90's (Mosaic, Alta Vista, even Yahoo!) are not the leaders of the new millineum.
As we grow as individuals, can we apply this process or principle in our assent to the top in our careers? Can we look at our colleagues in roles that have more prestige and compensation and say...hey, today I am going to learn from this person's successes, but also from their mistakes so that next time the opportunity arises, "I" will strive to be number one.
That, I believe, is possible.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Papa Bruce
I have been thinking alot about the departure of my boss and wondering why I am so affected by that departure. What was it about him that struck a chord in me? I have a history of getting along well with my managers and I have long term relationships with just about every manager I have had over the years, but there was something different about my recent boss that made me wonder what it was that drew me and my loyalty to him.
I believe it is because he had a similar outlook and personality to my dad.
You see, my dad, he was the guy who took ALL the shots. He invested (and still invests) heavily in his dreams and he absolutely is better for the journey.
While he didn't have the wanderlust that my boss and I exhibit, he absolutely had the dreams of glory.
Way back in the 80's my dad decided he wanted to start a family 'side' business. I am sure this was not my dad's first great venture, but it is the first one I am aware
He decided he was going to license the Shmoo. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shmoo
We, as a family were then going to build a business around products, programs etc, all starring the Shmoo. Around that time, my grandfather got ill (and subsequently died) and my dad dropped this adventure. It was okay with him though, because he had spent a good 6 months doing the research and creating building the dream.
The next big venture was his eBook reader. This dream extended from the late '90's and is still going strong today. He hasn't made a cent, but his patent is cited in a number of other products including the Kindle. He still has high hopes for who knows what.
Next...BlazeNPaddles. Dad traveled to France with Mom and discovered Tarte Flambes (roughly translated to 'Fire Pie'). Dad did his research and realized that there were no restauranteurs selling or leveraging this yummy french delicacy.He decided to drop this project due to my mom becoming ill. It didn't matter...he had fun thinking about it. On a side note, Ron and I picked up the BlazeNPaddles concept, started our LLC This N That Enterprises with the intent to sell (briefly) Pizza Peels with Tarte Flambe Kits online. I still have a bunch of beautiful, hand made peels in my garage ;)
Mom got better so they traveled to France again (can you sense a theme?), and there he discovered Red Currant Wine. Wow! If he could only grow red currants and make wine here in California, he could market it through his wine broker. He went as far as looking at land in ClearLake California, buying a special refrigerator and importing red currants from France. I think he still has the fridge...
Today...he is writing a mystery novel, has launched a foundation (that is focusing it's philanthropy on the research of communication to Alzheimer's patients) and is still working on the prototyping and marketing of his eBook IP.
My dad is my hero. He is the most successful person I know. Not because he is the wealthiest in things and money.
He has adult children and grandchildren who have been influenced by his dreams and his unfailing desire to try new things.
My dad has never lost sight of what is important: Family first (mom being number one), his integrity, and his desire to ALWAYS look forward.
I believe it is because he had a similar outlook and personality to my dad.
You see, my dad, he was the guy who took ALL the shots. He invested (and still invests) heavily in his dreams and he absolutely is better for the journey.
While he didn't have the wanderlust that my boss and I exhibit, he absolutely had the dreams of glory.
Way back in the 80's my dad decided he wanted to start a family 'side' business. I am sure this was not my dad's first great venture, but it is the first one I am aware
He decided he was going to license the Shmoo. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shmoo
We, as a family were then going to build a business around products, programs etc, all starring the Shmoo. Around that time, my grandfather got ill (and subsequently died) and my dad dropped this adventure. It was okay with him though, because he had spent a good 6 months doing the research and creating building the dream.
The next big venture was his eBook reader. This dream extended from the late '90's and is still going strong today. He hasn't made a cent, but his patent is cited in a number of other products including the Kindle. He still has high hopes for who knows what.
Next...BlazeNPaddles. Dad traveled to France with Mom and discovered Tarte Flambes (roughly translated to 'Fire Pie'). Dad did his research and realized that there were no restauranteurs selling or leveraging this yummy french delicacy.He decided to drop this project due to my mom becoming ill. It didn't matter...he had fun thinking about it. On a side note, Ron and I picked up the BlazeNPaddles concept, started our LLC This N That Enterprises with the intent to sell (briefly) Pizza Peels with Tarte Flambe Kits online. I still have a bunch of beautiful, hand made peels in my garage ;)
Mom got better so they traveled to France again (can you sense a theme?), and there he discovered Red Currant Wine. Wow! If he could only grow red currants and make wine here in California, he could market it through his wine broker. He went as far as looking at land in ClearLake California, buying a special refrigerator and importing red currants from France. I think he still has the fridge...
Today...he is writing a mystery novel, has launched a foundation (that is focusing it's philanthropy on the research of communication to Alzheimer's patients) and is still working on the prototyping and marketing of his eBook IP.
My dad is my hero. He is the most successful person I know. Not because he is the wealthiest in things and money.
He has adult children and grandchildren who have been influenced by his dreams and his unfailing desire to try new things.
My dad has never lost sight of what is important: Family first (mom being number one), his integrity, and his desire to ALWAYS look forward.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Too much Gin
Ron sent me this post a month or so back http://www.shirky.com/herecomeseverybody/2008/04/looking-for-the-mouse.html and it has been on my mind since.
I have been metaphorically drinking too much Gin lately.
With the world swirling around me in ways that I can't control and the inevitable boredom of a less then challeging career...instead of extending myself out, doing more, being more and taking advantage of what is available to me I am 'swigging Gin'. My daily grind includes a routine that does nothing to shake me out of this state of 'inebriation'. Get up in the morning (after a night of teeth grinding and uneasy dreams), meet my family obligations, go to work, come home, meet my family obligations and go to bed for another night of teeth grinding and uneasy dreams. My minding numbing routine is my 'Gin'.
I want to contribute and think and develop and research and learn...I really do. I am just not sure where to begin. My own apathy seems to be getting in the way.
I think I need to detox, but I believe I need a program that provides alternative distractions, one that 'replaces' my need for numb with a desire to feel, to be alive.
Really...I hate Gin.
I have been metaphorically drinking too much Gin lately.
With the world swirling around me in ways that I can't control and the inevitable boredom of a less then challeging career...instead of extending myself out, doing more, being more and taking advantage of what is available to me I am 'swigging Gin'. My daily grind includes a routine that does nothing to shake me out of this state of 'inebriation'. Get up in the morning (after a night of teeth grinding and uneasy dreams), meet my family obligations, go to work, come home, meet my family obligations and go to bed for another night of teeth grinding and uneasy dreams. My minding numbing routine is my 'Gin'.
I want to contribute and think and develop and research and learn...I really do. I am just not sure where to begin. My own apathy seems to be getting in the way.
I think I need to detox, but I believe I need a program that provides alternative distractions, one that 'replaces' my need for numb with a desire to feel, to be alive.
Really...I hate Gin.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Change Part Deux
I returned to work today after a lovely week with my family in the mountains to find that my 'work world' had been turned upside down. My beloved boss quit and two of my most respected colleagues are also no longer with the company.
I would be dissembling if I said I did not understand why these people were sacrificed
What I realized after the fact was that integrity (capital 'I') comes with a cost. My boss, he has integrity.
I would be dissembling if I said I did not understand why these people were sacrificed
What I realized after the fact was that integrity (capital 'I') comes with a cost. My boss, he has integrity.
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