Confidence and the Imposter Syndrome

It's been a while since I blogged.  I was reminded that I enjoyed this cathartic exercise by my team member and friend when she presented me a gift of a candle that was entitled 'Always take the Scenic Route'.  The name of this blog is also my personal motto and has been for a long time.

When I started this blog I was in a transition point in my life.  I was closing one chapter and starting another.  It was a huge step.  The orchestrated move to Canada was my plan, my idea and a masterful (while stressful) execution.

In the subsequent years, since I started (and stopped) blogging, I have had three additional jobs, each a stepping stone to another rank up the career ladder.  More responsibility, more opportunity, more travel and more risk of being exposed.  I had to conquer so many fears to take these steps (one, my very real, and always present fear of flying.)  Since that time I have walked down the ramp more times then I can count, always dreading the entrance to that plane, the inevitable take off, the frequent turbulence and the palatable relief on hitting terra firm. My other and even bigger fear...being discovered for the imposter I am.

I can't do math.  I have challenges with basic math and get sweaty looking at an excel sheet (forget a pivot table, now you are just talking crazy talk.)  I struggle with organizational skills.  I am 'ok' at PPT, and can learn applications when necessary but not a whiz.  I have a pit in my stomach when I am in a negative situation and have to be confrontational and I am uncomfortable when my imperfections show through in my deliverables(when I don't make my number, when I am wrong about timing, price, etc.)

I am, in my heart and head I really believe I am...faking it.

Today my father made a comment about how far I have come in my confidence level.  Funny he thinks that.  I  think I have just gotten better at covering my tracks, hiding those weaknesses, don't look at the (wo)man behind the screen.

I did some research prior to this post and came across a nugget that I will share.  Apparently the best way to work through the Imposter Syndrome is 'writing therapy'.  Apparently, the tangible act of writing down ones accomplishments allow the individual to document their daily contributions so it is less easy to dismiss those accomplishments.

I think I will start blogging more again.