The 'Guy" in the Glass

Many years ago a significant person in my life made some  interesting observations about how I look at other people, the world, and, finally myself.  At the time, after a number of 'heart to hearts', he gave me a poem.

Today brought back this conversation, and poem -- after I found myself sifting through my emotions when I  was hurt by a situation, that, to be entirely honest with myself, I should have expected, and not let it bother me.

Back over 15 years ago, my friend observed that I wanted to be liked, likable and like back so much that I would expend energy and emotion on people and situations that were not deserving of that effort.

 He believed that I looked at the world as a place to engage as many additional people as I could, attempt to forge meaningful and long term relationship and give of myself,  but that I was hurt when the people of my world didn't behave in the manner I expected.  My reaction was to work harder to find and fix these 'flaws' that made me 'unlikeable'.  Lastly, he pointed out that I apologized often for things that I need not be sorry for, that I worked too hard to please everyone else, and that I didn't 'see myself' like he (or others who knew me) saw me. That maybe I couldn't please everyone, but that was okay.

The poem has been known as 'The Man in the Mirror', 'The Man in the Glass', or if the author's son is the right source, 'The Guy in the Glass' (it was written by Dale Wimbrow (c) 1934).  Regardless of the title, the content resonated with me many years ago, and again, today. It takes a great amount of self confidence not to seek approval externally and publically from others and instead, mine that courage and determination oneself.  It is human nature to want to be recognized for effort, hard work, loyalty, dependability and steadfastness. The challenge with that desire is that you require others, who's motives you are not privy to, to validate or reject your accomplishments.

Note before you read it, 'pelf means wealth or riches, especially when dishonestly acquired.'

When you get all you want and you struggle for pelf,

and the world makes you king for a day,

then go to the mirror and look at yourself

and see what that man has to say.

For it isn't your mother, your father or wife

whose judgment upon you must pass,

but the man, whose verdict counts most in your life

is the one staring back from the glass.

He's the fellow to please,

never mind all the rest.

For he's with you right to the end,

and you've passed your most difficult test

if the man in the glass is your friend.

You may be like Jack Horner and "chisel" a plum,

And think you're a wonderful guy,

But the man in the glass says you're only a bum

If you can't look him straight in the eye.

You can fool the whole world,

down the highway of years,

and take pats on the back as you pass.

But your final reward will be heartache and tears

if you've cheated the man in the glass.