Hannah and I had an interesting conversation on the way to school/work this morning.
We chat in the car about alot of things as we drive down the PCH to Anneliese and this morning was no different. Hannah is consistent in her use of non-sequiters, popping out with random statements at any given time. This morning she said 'when I grow up I want to be a lady karate instructor'...so, being the forward thinking, 'women can do anything, and hey...COOL' mom, I said 'Wonderful!' 'You can be what ever you want to be'. Hannah then replied, 'wait' 'I really want to be a Mommy'. I replied 'you can be a Mommy AND a Karate Instructor'...and the conversation went on from there.
As I drove to work after dropping off Hannah at school I marveled at the fact that MY daughter thought being a mommy was a 'career', or 'goal' to have once she grew up. I am her Mommy and I struggle every day with the role of 'Mommyhood'. I run from the conventions of it, and struggle to through duties that I believe, come natural to others. Hannah's only real model of motherhood is me and maybe Ron. Hannah is, in so many ways a combination or Ron and I. She is feminine and loves make up, wants to wear dresses ever day of the week...walks better in high heels then I do, and yet...she embraces taekwando like she was born Korean, has a high tolerance for pain, is fearless in her desire to do new things. I see alot of myself in her. Just not the 'mommy thing'.
Maybe I am missing the point...maybe she is 'my kind' of Mommy...after all.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Stacking & Chunking
I was given great advice a while back from an unlikely source. A few years ago my Karate instructor (who wasn't known for being deep or thoughtful) took 20 minutes of our lesson to talk about techniques for dealing with stress. Our class was made up of type "A" adults chasingt the dream of achieving blackbelts in a testosterone ladin Kenpo Karate Dojo. This was not the kinder, gentler martial arts environment. This was a 'pop the broken nose back straight' and shake off the concussion kind of Dojo, yet we were all having difficulties balancing work, life, family and our own growth and desires.
He told us about stacking and chunking. Apparently we (probably the 'whiny, no real hardship' we) tend to stack the bad and chunk the good. An example of this is: I woke up in the morning yesterday in Tahoe, with pain, had to deal with my nephews bopping all over my folks condo, we had to clean up, hit the road after Ron finished his conference call, we didn't get out until 11:00 (after me, my brother and sis in law scrubbed clean the place) got stuck in the storm on highway 80 and took 5 hours to get down a normally 2 hour drive down the mountain...blah blah blah. See how I am stacking all of the bad stuff? I am picking apart the stresses of the day and stacking them up like bricks. At the rate I am going, there is going to be a tower of bricks in front of me and the stress of yesterday is going to seem insurmountable and overwhelming...but what if I chunked it? What if I said 'hey, we had a long day yesterday getting home from Tahoe, but we made it' Then, wow...the stress of yesterday melts away...it isn't even a bricks worth.
What do we do with the 'good stuff'? Those days, weekends, even weeks where everything goes great and good things pile upon good things? Do we say 'I woke up in the morning, had the best piece of sourdough bread EVER (Truckee Sourdough Company really does make the best sourdough bread), jumped into my ski clothing, got up to the ski area in time to get the BEST parking spot, got Hannah in ski school (even had the 'report card' from last trip) and she was BUMPED UP to a higher class!!! Then, rented the gear in a smooth and easy transaction and hand my first run of the day that was crisp and powdery and perfect!!! Blah Blah Blah...
This has been a goal of mine for a while and I am in the process of evangalizing this to who ever will listen. If I have enough people chunking the bad and stacking the good, I may even find myself surrounded by relaxed, happy and grateful people and then, hopefully some of that relaxation, positive attitude and good feeling will leach off on me!
He told us about stacking and chunking. Apparently we (probably the 'whiny, no real hardship' we) tend to stack the bad and chunk the good. An example of this is: I woke up in the morning yesterday in Tahoe, with pain, had to deal with my nephews bopping all over my folks condo, we had to clean up, hit the road after Ron finished his conference call, we didn't get out until 11:00 (after me, my brother and sis in law scrubbed clean the place) got stuck in the storm on highway 80 and took 5 hours to get down a normally 2 hour drive down the mountain...blah blah blah. See how I am stacking all of the bad stuff? I am picking apart the stresses of the day and stacking them up like bricks. At the rate I am going, there is going to be a tower of bricks in front of me and the stress of yesterday is going to seem insurmountable and overwhelming...but what if I chunked it? What if I said 'hey, we had a long day yesterday getting home from Tahoe, but we made it' Then, wow...the stress of yesterday melts away...it isn't even a bricks worth.
What do we do with the 'good stuff'? Those days, weekends, even weeks where everything goes great and good things pile upon good things? Do we say 'I woke up in the morning, had the best piece of sourdough bread EVER (Truckee Sourdough Company really does make the best sourdough bread), jumped into my ski clothing, got up to the ski area in time to get the BEST parking spot, got Hannah in ski school (even had the 'report card' from last trip) and she was BUMPED UP to a higher class!!! Then, rented the gear in a smooth and easy transaction and hand my first run of the day that was crisp and powdery and perfect!!! Blah Blah Blah...
This has been a goal of mine for a while and I am in the process of evangalizing this to who ever will listen. If I have enough people chunking the bad and stacking the good, I may even find myself surrounded by relaxed, happy and grateful people and then, hopefully some of that relaxation, positive attitude and good feeling will leach off on me!
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Choices
My husband had a conversation with his cousin yesterday. She is at a personal fork in the road and trying to make educated decisions about her future. She is balancing out personal goals, with personality and passions and the choices she has to make are confusing and stressful.
As far as I am concerned there are a few choices in life that you make that are irreversible (choices in regards to procreation and the outcome, a child, for instance 'ARE' irreversible). There are, however, many choices that can be made with the information you have at the time that, in hindsight, might not have been the best course of action...that, in the long run lead you to the path of the 'right choice' or a if not the right one, just a different one.
One of the things that is amazing about life is that it is impossible to predict the future with any sense of certainty. We can plan, and set goals, but at the end of the day, week, month or year, outside forces can occur to change and reshape those plans. While I don't advocate allowing life to 'happen', I do believe that many experiences occur for reasons that, at the time seem unrelated to our dreams, desires and futures and then end up being exactly the right thing for us at the right time.
My advice on choices is to make the choice that makes you happy and motivated and gets you out of bed in the morning. The choice that you make if there were no one else influencing you. After all...it is your life and you need to live it you way.
As far as I am concerned there are a few choices in life that you make that are irreversible (choices in regards to procreation and the outcome, a child, for instance 'ARE' irreversible). There are, however, many choices that can be made with the information you have at the time that, in hindsight, might not have been the best course of action...that, in the long run lead you to the path of the 'right choice' or a if not the right one, just a different one.
One of the things that is amazing about life is that it is impossible to predict the future with any sense of certainty. We can plan, and set goals, but at the end of the day, week, month or year, outside forces can occur to change and reshape those plans. While I don't advocate allowing life to 'happen', I do believe that many experiences occur for reasons that, at the time seem unrelated to our dreams, desires and futures and then end up being exactly the right thing for us at the right time.
My advice on choices is to make the choice that makes you happy and motivated and gets you out of bed in the morning. The choice that you make if there were no one else influencing you. After all...it is your life and you need to live it you way.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Uber Responsible
I have, ever since the age of 21, felt an over whelming sense of responsibility to the people in my life, the jobs I hold and the 'running' of my household. There were times in college, as well as early in my career when certain aspects of my life spun out of control and after dealing with the consequences of my actions I was determined to never let that happen again. That being said, it is impossible to be responsible for everything, to keep a grip on all that is your world and to do it with out either cutting corners or leaving loose ends.
Money is one of those things I am responsible about. I don't know if it is the moderate influence of my parents, or a true understanding of how, when you live with in your means, you never feel a crushing sense of impending doom when things in your work, or home life go sideways enough to 'cost' something.
I feel a huge sense of responsibility to my children too. With Robbie is a more complex role these days...the balance of giving him enough freedom, but still fully being there and being engaged. 16 is a very important age. He is so close to the sheltered independence that college will offer him and feel responsible for guidance, support and direction. Hannah, it is more a sense of day to day responsibilities and the 'introduction' to opportunities as she grows from a dependent toddler to a child with her own sense of self and direction.
Work is another responsibility. I sometimes wonder if I did a job that required no thought or strategic thinking, if life would be easier.
Responsibilty is, in many ways, a state of mind. I don't know if it is learned, nutured, or ingrained and why, I personally feel so much of it, so strongly...I just know I do.
Money is one of those things I am responsible about. I don't know if it is the moderate influence of my parents, or a true understanding of how, when you live with in your means, you never feel a crushing sense of impending doom when things in your work, or home life go sideways enough to 'cost' something.
I feel a huge sense of responsibility to my children too. With Robbie is a more complex role these days...the balance of giving him enough freedom, but still fully being there and being engaged. 16 is a very important age. He is so close to the sheltered independence that college will offer him and feel responsible for guidance, support and direction. Hannah, it is more a sense of day to day responsibilities and the 'introduction' to opportunities as she grows from a dependent toddler to a child with her own sense of self and direction.
Work is another responsibility. I sometimes wonder if I did a job that required no thought or strategic thinking, if life would be easier.
Responsibilty is, in many ways, a state of mind. I don't know if it is learned, nutured, or ingrained and why, I personally feel so much of it, so strongly...I just know I do.
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