Ah...the rollercoaster ride is still going strong.
Robbie, my high school senior is having a very successful first semester so far. Enjoying classes, teachers and extracurriculars. He is embracing the challenge Ron and I put forth for his graduation gift. A trip to Europe from EF College Breaks--straight A's, he picks (although we did put a deposit down already on the European Panorama trip, one that fits his summer schedule), and if he doesn't...we pick! So far, so good, straight A's, a focus on meeting his responsibilites and his is running the Academic Decathlon program with out an advisor.
Last night (and the night before) we pulled the chute on 4 out of 7 of his college applications. One, his CSU application, is for Cal Poly San Luis Obispo, and the other three were through the Common App (with Supplements) for Illinois Tech, NorthEastern and Syracuse Universities. Tulane is fast following, and that will just leave UC Berkeley and McGill.
Test reports were selected from his top, and sent, teacher recommendations were requested and followed up on...all that is left is an 'Official Transcript' to be ordered from his high school.
This is where things fell apart. Robbie was entitled to grade boosts in a number of his 11th grade courses due to excellent AP test scores. All of his teachers immediately, at the start of 12th grade, accomodated this process, and turned in the necessary paperwork so that the seniors could focus on the application and education process. Except...it didn't work. One of Robbie's teachers can't seem to get it right. First it didn't happen at all which Robbie followed up on, then the 'Registar' was blamed (why, if all the other teachers didn't have the problem, did this teacher?) and now, at the 11th hour, the wrong grade (the high grade for the second semester was boosted). Needless to say Robbie is freaking out. He has now pushed the button on his apps and his self reported grades no longer match his transcript.
My first instinct is to drive to the school, grab the teacher and shake her. I know, as a parent of a senior who is off to college with out 'mommy' this would be frowned upon. Time and time again you hear from people 'well he won't have his mommy to fight his battles in the 'real world''.
The problem is, the school system and the teachers aren't operating in the 'real world'. The kind of flakiness this teacher has exhibited wouldn't fly in the real world. Real mistakes that have real world consequences to your clients (translation students) are grounds for firing. In the 'real world' a manager may actually step in an engage with a vendor who has made a mistake that cost the company time and money. Why, in this case, is this any different. If Robbie didn't have to spend multiple cycles on rectifying someone (a teachers) errors, he could be focusing on portfolio projects, community service, extra curriculars or even doing his homework because he goes to work on Friday's after school. Why, I wonder, is there a difference???
Bottom line...is, of course, if things aren't resolved by COB today, the 'manager' will step in and force the vendor to correct the problem and maybe even exert a 'pound of flesh' for the lost time and 'money'.
Friday, October 9, 2009
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Bad News
I work in online media and appreciate the 24/7 access to news and information that the online world provides but lately, this informational overload is getting to me.
Is anyone else riding an emotional roller coaster of informational overload? During this loudly trumpeted recession, I have pored over economic news, job news, and policy news like a forensic expert. Day in and day out I have soldiered through the feelings of anxiety, fear and confusion (and yes, sometimes euphoria) that the latest quote, opinion, interview or soundbite provided by a so called expert/pundit instilled in me. Today I received a 'newsletter' from Motley Fool, that was pitching me on their services by predicting the crash of Wall Street as the headline. Don't they know that bad news and doom, gloom are not ways to sell someone anything except a life insurance policy or a cemetery plot? Don't they understand the average person (notice how I didn't say American) is sick to death of the constant onslaught of negative news and information and is reacting accordingly?
Correct me if I am wrong, but isn't consumer confidence a huge part of the issue with our economic recovery? People like me and my family who still have jobs, homes and the same quality of life (and even a growing stock portfolio) are still holding our dollars close to our chests, avoiding spending and generally fearing the worst. Could it be that all those insecure consumers are like me, inundated with an overload of negative news and therefore are responding accordingly? Today, Alan Greenspan (isn't he one of the reasons we had problems in the first place?) stated that the stock market would be flat in 2010. Really? Not to question his street cred, but where was his crystal ball when he was Chairman of the Federal Reserve and had apparently predicted the Housing Bubble but didn't curtail the excessive liquidity that was one of the issues that created this bubble.
There is a story from back when I worked with children called the Warm Fuzzy Tale. It focuses on the concept of the more positive, warmth you provide, the more you get in return and the more you hold back on warmth and positive feeling, the less there is. I feel as though the world I live in has ceased to operate under the premise that warmth and positive feeling can foster more positive feeling and pervasive negativity creates a scarcity situation that is creating a society of negative people holding their money, positive thoughts and warmth of spirit too close to their chests because of fear...
Is anyone else riding an emotional roller coaster of informational overload? During this loudly trumpeted recession, I have pored over economic news, job news, and policy news like a forensic expert. Day in and day out I have soldiered through the feelings of anxiety, fear and confusion (and yes, sometimes euphoria) that the latest quote, opinion, interview or soundbite provided by a so called expert/pundit instilled in me. Today I received a 'newsletter' from Motley Fool, that was pitching me on their services by predicting the crash of Wall Street as the headline. Don't they know that bad news and doom, gloom are not ways to sell someone anything except a life insurance policy or a cemetery plot? Don't they understand the average person (notice how I didn't say American) is sick to death of the constant onslaught of negative news and information and is reacting accordingly?
Correct me if I am wrong, but isn't consumer confidence a huge part of the issue with our economic recovery? People like me and my family who still have jobs, homes and the same quality of life (and even a growing stock portfolio) are still holding our dollars close to our chests, avoiding spending and generally fearing the worst. Could it be that all those insecure consumers are like me, inundated with an overload of negative news and therefore are responding accordingly? Today, Alan Greenspan (isn't he one of the reasons we had problems in the first place?) stated that the stock market would be flat in 2010. Really? Not to question his street cred, but where was his crystal ball when he was Chairman of the Federal Reserve and had apparently predicted the Housing Bubble but didn't curtail the excessive liquidity that was one of the issues that created this bubble.
There is a story from back when I worked with children called the Warm Fuzzy Tale. It focuses on the concept of the more positive, warmth you provide, the more you get in return and the more you hold back on warmth and positive feeling, the less there is. I feel as though the world I live in has ceased to operate under the premise that warmth and positive feeling can foster more positive feeling and pervasive negativity creates a scarcity situation that is creating a society of negative people holding their money, positive thoughts and warmth of spirit too close to their chests because of fear...
Monday, September 14, 2009
Learning French Again
I have determined that learning French, again, would be a good thing. Why French? Why not Spanish? Italian, or the ever more popular Japanese?
I took French in Junior High and High School, progressing each year with a basic understanding. My best friend those years, Beatrice, was a first generation American, both parents being from Belgium and she spoke French well, and fluently. I was the constant butt of her jokes (especially with my pronunciation of the word 'poche' which means pocket.)
I have traveled to France numerous times, and my older brother moved there many years ago, married a french woman and has three little french kids. I figure if he can learn to speak french fluently, so can I (you should have heard him play trumpet!...OUCH).
More and more of my prospects up in Canada speak french too.
I, at the very least can speak with my family (nieces and nephews, prospects and potentially my new neighbors if they are French Canadian, once I move to Toronto.)
More importantly (at least for me), we Americans (unless we are recent immigrants) seem to be sorely lacking in bilingual abilities and to me that speaks of the bigger picture of 'Ugly American' arrogance. We isolate ourselves from the world and the global community by refusing to do what Europeans have always done...learn other languages, travel to many other countries and attempt, understand their cultures (or at the very least, not expect them to 'speak American' at all times.) Heck, Queen Elizabeth I never left England her entire reign, but she spoke Italian, Greek, French, Latin and Spanish. It allowed her to converse with amassadors, read missives from other foreign leaders and have clarity of understanding beyond her realm. I want clarity of understanding beyond my realm.
First French...and then....maybe Italian...Spanish...and (though, I probably won't have enough time or brain cells) Japanese.
I took French in Junior High and High School, progressing each year with a basic understanding. My best friend those years, Beatrice, was a first generation American, both parents being from Belgium and she spoke French well, and fluently. I was the constant butt of her jokes (especially with my pronunciation of the word 'poche' which means pocket.)
I have traveled to France numerous times, and my older brother moved there many years ago, married a french woman and has three little french kids. I figure if he can learn to speak french fluently, so can I (you should have heard him play trumpet!...OUCH).
More and more of my prospects up in Canada speak french too.
I, at the very least can speak with my family (nieces and nephews, prospects and potentially my new neighbors if they are French Canadian, once I move to Toronto.)
More importantly (at least for me), we Americans (unless we are recent immigrants) seem to be sorely lacking in bilingual abilities and to me that speaks of the bigger picture of 'Ugly American' arrogance. We isolate ourselves from the world and the global community by refusing to do what Europeans have always done...learn other languages, travel to many other countries and attempt, understand their cultures (or at the very least, not expect them to 'speak American' at all times.) Heck, Queen Elizabeth I never left England her entire reign, but she spoke Italian, Greek, French, Latin and Spanish. It allowed her to converse with amassadors, read missives from other foreign leaders and have clarity of understanding beyond her realm. I want clarity of understanding beyond my realm.
First French...and then....maybe Italian...Spanish...and (though, I probably won't have enough time or brain cells) Japanese.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Helicopter Parent
Recently I have been accused by a few of my close friends and family of being a helicopter parent.
Wikipedia say: Helicopter parent is a colloquial, early 21st-century term for a parent who pays extremely close attention to his or her child's or children's experiences and problems, particularly at educational institutions. These parents rush to prevent any harm or failure from befalling them and will not let them learn from their own mistakes, sometimes even contrary to the children's wishes. They are so named because, like helicopters, they hover closely overhead, rarely out of reach, whether their children need them or not. In Scandinavia, this phenomenon is known as curling parenthood and describes parents who attempt to sweep all obstacles out of the paths of their children.
I feel a bit guilty as accused because I DO pay extremely close attention to my son's experience and problems ESPECIALLY at his educational institutions but I am not sure I see this as an issue.
Recently Robbie has required advocacy at school only after attempting to self correct issues that occured. We stepped in when necessary, not prior to his attempts. That being said, one issue was resolved in 15 minutes (yes, the teacher was a bit begrudging) and the other was solved within a very brief time frame with apologies, explanations and future promises of consequences.
In a situation that I find difficult to stomache, a family who's son (around Robbie's age) committed suicide is suing the same school (and district) for not 'protecting their son from bullying which ultimately led to his suicide'. This assertion occured after no note was found, and no knowledge prior to the suicide on the parents part that bullying was even happening. How is it possible that the school is responsible for this? The boy used his dad's gun to kill himself. If the bullying was cause for his destructive behavior, why didn't he try and kill the bullies?
This whole situation is why, at some level, I am proud to be a helicopter parent, because, at the very least, I KNOW what is going on with my son and if there is a break in his pattern, I can assess the situation, and in most cases assist him through the difficulties. What if this boy's parents had done that? Would he still be here? I bet he would.
Wikipedia say: Helicopter parent is a colloquial, early 21st-century term for a parent who pays extremely close attention to his or her child's or children's experiences and problems, particularly at educational institutions. These parents rush to prevent any harm or failure from befalling them and will not let them learn from their own mistakes, sometimes even contrary to the children's wishes. They are so named because, like helicopters, they hover closely overhead, rarely out of reach, whether their children need them or not. In Scandinavia, this phenomenon is known as curling parenthood and describes parents who attempt to sweep all obstacles out of the paths of their children.
I feel a bit guilty as accused because I DO pay extremely close attention to my son's experience and problems ESPECIALLY at his educational institutions but I am not sure I see this as an issue.
Recently Robbie has required advocacy at school only after attempting to self correct issues that occured. We stepped in when necessary, not prior to his attempts. That being said, one issue was resolved in 15 minutes (yes, the teacher was a bit begrudging) and the other was solved within a very brief time frame with apologies, explanations and future promises of consequences.
In a situation that I find difficult to stomache, a family who's son (around Robbie's age) committed suicide is suing the same school (and district) for not 'protecting their son from bullying which ultimately led to his suicide'. This assertion occured after no note was found, and no knowledge prior to the suicide on the parents part that bullying was even happening. How is it possible that the school is responsible for this? The boy used his dad's gun to kill himself. If the bullying was cause for his destructive behavior, why didn't he try and kill the bullies?
This whole situation is why, at some level, I am proud to be a helicopter parent, because, at the very least, I KNOW what is going on with my son and if there is a break in his pattern, I can assess the situation, and in most cases assist him through the difficulties. What if this boy's parents had done that? Would he still be here? I bet he would.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Under Pressure
I have been thinking about my past a lot. Specifically my transition from high school student to 4 year university student.
There is a very good reason for this. Robbie is finishing his 11th grade year of high school and is in fast forward mode for college admissions.
I don't know if the game has changed as significantly as it appears to have, but I am amazed (and saddened) by the massive pressure applied to the top percent of students. The below is Robbie's actual schedule for his 11th grade year and Robbie was actually 'light' compared to some of his peers in extracurriculars:
First Semester:
Robbie's coursework included: AP Art History (Advanced Placement courses are college level courses that have a test at the end of the year that, if passed, give him credit for college courses)., AP Composition, AP Calculus, AP US History, AP/IB Chemistry (IB stands for International Baccalaureate and allows Robbie a separate diploma at Graduation if he passes all tests and other requirements), and French 3. Robbie also participated in Academic Decathlon (Junior class president), had two speaking roles in the fall play and took the SAT's and PSAT's as well.
Second Semester: Robbie continued in his course work from first semester, completed Academic Decathlon and re-took the SAT's. He is also taking AP exams for all 5 classes, SAT II Subject tests for Calculus, Chemistry and History and he is taking an IB Chem exam as well. He will be completing his testing with the ACT at the end of the school year.
All of this is occurring while he is working to keep grades up, researching colleges, trying to do community service and applying for summer jobs.
When, in the real world are we subjected to this kind of pressure? When, even in college are we subjected to this kind of pressure?
A 4 year degree represents a lot of things...education and training for a particular vocation, broad skills and knowledge imparted from people who have been formally trained and most important, as far as I am concerned, the bridge between young adulthood and full adulthood (and with it the responsibilities of life).
My only hope is that once Robbie finds his way through the stress and pressure of too many tests and too many hoops to jump through that he will embrace the important portion of the experience and adventure he is about to embark on, which is the sheltered freedom of a campus environment, the forced camaraderie of a dorm and the semi hand held transition to full fledged adult, along with the fun and excitement of university living and life.
After all, these should be the best years of his life.
There is a very good reason for this. Robbie is finishing his 11th grade year of high school and is in fast forward mode for college admissions.
I don't know if the game has changed as significantly as it appears to have, but I am amazed (and saddened) by the massive pressure applied to the top percent of students. The below is Robbie's actual schedule for his 11th grade year and Robbie was actually 'light' compared to some of his peers in extracurriculars:
First Semester:
Robbie's coursework included: AP Art History (Advanced Placement courses are college level courses that have a test at the end of the year that, if passed, give him credit for college courses)., AP Composition, AP Calculus, AP US History, AP/IB Chemistry (IB stands for International Baccalaureate and allows Robbie a separate diploma at Graduation if he passes all tests and other requirements), and French 3. Robbie also participated in Academic Decathlon (Junior class president), had two speaking roles in the fall play and took the SAT's and PSAT's as well.
Second Semester: Robbie continued in his course work from first semester, completed Academic Decathlon and re-took the SAT's. He is also taking AP exams for all 5 classes, SAT II Subject tests for Calculus, Chemistry and History and he is taking an IB Chem exam as well. He will be completing his testing with the ACT at the end of the school year.
All of this is occurring while he is working to keep grades up, researching colleges, trying to do community service and applying for summer jobs.
When, in the real world are we subjected to this kind of pressure? When, even in college are we subjected to this kind of pressure?
A 4 year degree represents a lot of things...education and training for a particular vocation, broad skills and knowledge imparted from people who have been formally trained and most important, as far as I am concerned, the bridge between young adulthood and full adulthood (and with it the responsibilities of life).
My only hope is that once Robbie finds his way through the stress and pressure of too many tests and too many hoops to jump through that he will embrace the important portion of the experience and adventure he is about to embark on, which is the sheltered freedom of a campus environment, the forced camaraderie of a dorm and the semi hand held transition to full fledged adult, along with the fun and excitement of university living and life.
After all, these should be the best years of his life.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
6 degrees
I have always found a benefit to networking, maintaining relationships and for the most part, not burning bridges with former employers, co-workers, friends or even spouses. Business networking sites like Linkedin, Plaxo and the other vertical oriented ones, and social networking sites like Facebook and MySpace are, for me, practical tools I use to be more efficent in the networking I have always done.
I have a number of colleagues who are looking to grow in their careers, and given my more seasoned persona (as well as my background in recruiting) many of them have come to me for advice. I can't stress enough using a network.
Case in point...I have a colleague...someone I respect and have developed an excellent business rapport with...who came to me to see if I knew anyone at a specific company. I did a search on Linkedin and found a former contact at a former partner who was actually on first degree terms with the CEO of this company. I reached out to my former contact, who reached out to the CEO to see if he would communicate with me...we connected, I introduced my colleague and lo and behold, they have a call next week to discuss job opportunities. While this sounds like a case study in perfect networking a couple things came into play here:
1) My colleague knew and trusted me, knew of my network and sought me out to find out if I had an 'in' (First degree)
2) I had maintained a relationship with someone who I had limited contact with...touching base, commenting on his moves and keeping a dialogue open (2nd degree) to the point where he was comfortable introducing me to a C-level contact.
3) The CEO of the other company had a trusted relationship with my contact (3rd degree)
4) Said CEO reached out to me and welcomed an introduction to my colleague (4th degree)
5) My colleague reached out to said CEO and now has an interview (5th degree)
We haven't hit a 6th degree yet...but imagine the scenario of my colleague not being the right fit for the role and introducing said CEO to yet another colleague who just might...that would be the 6th degree...
A couple rules I follow to make sure that I have this system dialed in:
I have a number of colleagues who are looking to grow in their careers, and given my more seasoned persona (as well as my background in recruiting) many of them have come to me for advice. I can't stress enough using a network.
Case in point...I have a colleague...someone I respect and have developed an excellent business rapport with...who came to me to see if I knew anyone at a specific company. I did a search on Linkedin and found a former contact at a former partner who was actually on first degree terms with the CEO of this company. I reached out to my former contact, who reached out to the CEO to see if he would communicate with me...we connected, I introduced my colleague and lo and behold, they have a call next week to discuss job opportunities. While this sounds like a case study in perfect networking a couple things came into play here:
1) My colleague knew and trusted me, knew of my network and sought me out to find out if I had an 'in' (First degree)
2) I had maintained a relationship with someone who I had limited contact with...touching base, commenting on his moves and keeping a dialogue open (2nd degree) to the point where he was comfortable introducing me to a C-level contact.
3) The CEO of the other company had a trusted relationship with my contact (3rd degree)
4) Said CEO reached out to me and welcomed an introduction to my colleague (4th degree)
5) My colleague reached out to said CEO and now has an interview (5th degree)
We haven't hit a 6th degree yet...but imagine the scenario of my colleague not being the right fit for the role and introducing said CEO to yet another colleague who just might...that would be the 6th degree...
A couple rules I follow to make sure that I have this system dialed in:
- Don't (as I pointed up before) burn bridges with ANYONE if you can help it. This includes not only bosses, but colleagues, clients, vendors etc. You never know who knows who and it will go a long way in helping or hurting your changes with either a job or business prospect.
- Do make sure you keep contact with your network (touch base, send emails, send e holiday cards etc.) and keep them posted on your comings and goings.
- Don't connect with people just to connect. Linked in has a ton of groups and joining them is a good idea if they are relevant to your career or goals. Targeting individuals in those groups and building relationships is better than just have a 'big' network.
- Use the network. Don't just Linkin, or be on Facebook...update your listings, connect with new people and use the tools that are available to you like forwarding profiles, job listings and the group functions.
- Lastly, remember, networking is about people, the technology just enables you to connect with people more efficently. Make sure you create a depth and breadth in the relationships you build. You don't have to enquire about their mother's health, but do understand what their needs are and offer your assistance in helping them achieve their networking goals as well.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Making Excuses
I don't usually blog about my work or the world my work touches, but with all the recent news about the demise of the newspapers, I felt compelled to jump into the fray.
Last week, I attended, in my role as Director of Business Development for a technology company that provides private label products to the newspapers an industry tradeshow. BIG MISTAKE. Now, don't get me wrong...newspapers aren't our only channel, but they are one of them and attending this tradeshow is part of our annual marketing plan and was budgeted for (and was no small expense).
The show (NAA's 'new' MediaXChange) was a combination of an old newspaper marketing show and the annual newspaper association of America's show. It was the WORST tradeshow I have ever attended, exhibited at, or participated in. Guess what??? It wasn't because the newspaper industry is in a tumbling decline ( you read about the Seattle Post Intelligencer this week, right? The Rocky Mountain News?). It wasn't because attendance was less than half of what is was just a year ago. It wasn't because of the newspapers themselves. I talk with the management of these organizations (digital management to be fair) and they, they care! They want to shift, change, grow...they don't want to die an ink stained death. They want to exist...they just need help figuring out how, before it is too late. You would think (but you would be wrong) that the organization that is supposed to support them, offer opportunities, suggest industry trends, would be leading the charge forward in the necessary paradigm shift towards a new age of 'news'. You would be wrong, misguided in your assumptions.
The show and organization management didn't get it (still don't as my PR guy pointed out to me this morning). They decided in some convoluted, bite the hand that feeds you sort of way to keep the paid attendees (read, the audience for the vendors and the reason they are there) away from the vendors. All opportunities for marketing, networking, or face time were avoided at all costs. Meals, snacks, networking events...organized FAR from the vendors, with enormous expensive barrier to entry. There were a few shining examples of 'getting it'...Brenda in accounting, she listened, let me vent and then tried to give me something small in recompense (tickets for my colleagues to a networking event). John, who runs around red faced and sweaty, at the very least wasn't avoiding the vendors.
Newspapers need companies like mine and many of the other exhibitors. They weren't just there to shake hands with old cronies (those days are past, as many of those old cronies are receiving unemployment checks and reminiscing about the good old days). They want ideas! They need to have an opportunity to evaluate, to see what is out there and to look at the different options for diversification and revenue share. What myopic, tunnel vision, dinosaur of an organization can't see that it is their role (raison d'etre?) to light the way forward for their members.
Ciao NAA. I won't miss you.
Last week, I attended, in my role as Director of Business Development for a technology company that provides private label products to the newspapers an industry tradeshow. BIG MISTAKE. Now, don't get me wrong...newspapers aren't our only channel, but they are one of them and attending this tradeshow is part of our annual marketing plan and was budgeted for (and was no small expense).
The show (NAA's 'new' MediaXChange) was a combination of an old newspaper marketing show and the annual newspaper association of America's show. It was the WORST tradeshow I have ever attended, exhibited at, or participated in. Guess what??? It wasn't because the newspaper industry is in a tumbling decline ( you read about the Seattle Post Intelligencer this week, right? The Rocky Mountain News?). It wasn't because attendance was less than half of what is was just a year ago. It wasn't because of the newspapers themselves. I talk with the management of these organizations (digital management to be fair) and they, they care! They want to shift, change, grow...they don't want to die an ink stained death. They want to exist...they just need help figuring out how, before it is too late. You would think (but you would be wrong) that the organization that is supposed to support them, offer opportunities, suggest industry trends, would be leading the charge forward in the necessary paradigm shift towards a new age of 'news'. You would be wrong, misguided in your assumptions.
The show and organization management didn't get it (still don't as my PR guy pointed out to me this morning). They decided in some convoluted, bite the hand that feeds you sort of way to keep the paid attendees (read, the audience for the vendors and the reason they are there) away from the vendors. All opportunities for marketing, networking, or face time were avoided at all costs. Meals, snacks, networking events...organized FAR from the vendors, with enormous expensive barrier to entry. There were a few shining examples of 'getting it'...Brenda in accounting, she listened, let me vent and then tried to give me something small in recompense (tickets for my colleagues to a networking event). John, who runs around red faced and sweaty, at the very least wasn't avoiding the vendors.
Newspapers need companies like mine and many of the other exhibitors. They weren't just there to shake hands with old cronies (those days are past, as many of those old cronies are receiving unemployment checks and reminiscing about the good old days). They want ideas! They need to have an opportunity to evaluate, to see what is out there and to look at the different options for diversification and revenue share. What myopic, tunnel vision, dinosaur of an organization can't see that it is their role (raison d'etre?) to light the way forward for their members.
Ciao NAA. I won't miss you.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Non Negotiable
We are getting ready to take Robbie to Boston over spring break to look at three universities. He will be applying to colleges in the next 4-6 months and wants to make an 'educated' choice.
This is an exciting time for Robbie and I realized that since the day he was born (or maybe even before) that he was going to HAVE to attend a four year college out of high school.
What Robbie doesn't understand is that this is a privelege, not a right. He has numerous peers who come from different circumstances who's path is less certain.
Last Friday, I braved the unknown and chaperoned his AP Art History class on a trip to the Getty Museum in Los Angeles and the Huntington Library in Pasedena. This was an exercise in understanding Robbie better. I saw him in his 'natural' habitat, interacting with his peers, and I closed the day with a sense of satisfaction in his development.
I also spent time asking his peers about their plans for the future. These are the cream of the crop students, exceptional in the fact that they are enrolled and enjoying a AP level course in a fine arts. The stories were varied. There as the female senior who's dream is to live in London and who will attend Saddleback so that she can do the Cal State Fullerton program that will allow her to live abroad (apparently her parents have a small fund of money). There is Kelsey, who, odd, quirky and very much a fringe personality is taking classes (alot of them) at Saddleback College now, in her junior year, so that she can graduate with her degree AND an AA so that she only has two years of university to recognize her dream as becoming a marine biologist. Then there was Mark...shy...hanging behind, always a watcher, never a participant...who, when asked about the future, shrugged his shoulders and said.."I dunno...I haven't thought about it much".
Robbie...he knew, and knows, that at the end of the day, it doesn't matter where he goes, as long as he does. That the 4 year degree is not just a means to an end (a step in the direction of life long career success) but a unique transitional point between childhood and adulthood. A sheltered and unique writ of passage that will forever change him.
This is an exciting time for Robbie and I realized that since the day he was born (or maybe even before) that he was going to HAVE to attend a four year college out of high school.
What Robbie doesn't understand is that this is a privelege, not a right. He has numerous peers who come from different circumstances who's path is less certain.
Last Friday, I braved the unknown and chaperoned his AP Art History class on a trip to the Getty Museum in Los Angeles and the Huntington Library in Pasedena. This was an exercise in understanding Robbie better. I saw him in his 'natural' habitat, interacting with his peers, and I closed the day with a sense of satisfaction in his development.
I also spent time asking his peers about their plans for the future. These are the cream of the crop students, exceptional in the fact that they are enrolled and enjoying a AP level course in a fine arts. The stories were varied. There as the female senior who's dream is to live in London and who will attend Saddleback so that she can do the Cal State Fullerton program that will allow her to live abroad (apparently her parents have a small fund of money). There is Kelsey, who, odd, quirky and very much a fringe personality is taking classes (alot of them) at Saddleback College now, in her junior year, so that she can graduate with her degree AND an AA so that she only has two years of university to recognize her dream as becoming a marine biologist. Then there was Mark...shy...hanging behind, always a watcher, never a participant...who, when asked about the future, shrugged his shoulders and said.."I dunno...I haven't thought about it much".
Robbie...he knew, and knows, that at the end of the day, it doesn't matter where he goes, as long as he does. That the 4 year degree is not just a means to an end (a step in the direction of life long career success) but a unique transitional point between childhood and adulthood. A sheltered and unique writ of passage that will forever change him.
Friday, February 20, 2009
I want to be a Mommy
Hannah and I had an interesting conversation on the way to school/work this morning.
We chat in the car about alot of things as we drive down the PCH to Anneliese and this morning was no different. Hannah is consistent in her use of non-sequiters, popping out with random statements at any given time. This morning she said 'when I grow up I want to be a lady karate instructor'...so, being the forward thinking, 'women can do anything, and hey...COOL' mom, I said 'Wonderful!' 'You can be what ever you want to be'. Hannah then replied, 'wait' 'I really want to be a Mommy'. I replied 'you can be a Mommy AND a Karate Instructor'...and the conversation went on from there.
As I drove to work after dropping off Hannah at school I marveled at the fact that MY daughter thought being a mommy was a 'career', or 'goal' to have once she grew up. I am her Mommy and I struggle every day with the role of 'Mommyhood'. I run from the conventions of it, and struggle to through duties that I believe, come natural to others. Hannah's only real model of motherhood is me and maybe Ron. Hannah is, in so many ways a combination or Ron and I. She is feminine and loves make up, wants to wear dresses ever day of the week...walks better in high heels then I do, and yet...she embraces taekwando like she was born Korean, has a high tolerance for pain, is fearless in her desire to do new things. I see alot of myself in her. Just not the 'mommy thing'.
Maybe I am missing the point...maybe she is 'my kind' of Mommy...after all.
We chat in the car about alot of things as we drive down the PCH to Anneliese and this morning was no different. Hannah is consistent in her use of non-sequiters, popping out with random statements at any given time. This morning she said 'when I grow up I want to be a lady karate instructor'...so, being the forward thinking, 'women can do anything, and hey...COOL' mom, I said 'Wonderful!' 'You can be what ever you want to be'. Hannah then replied, 'wait' 'I really want to be a Mommy'. I replied 'you can be a Mommy AND a Karate Instructor'...and the conversation went on from there.
As I drove to work after dropping off Hannah at school I marveled at the fact that MY daughter thought being a mommy was a 'career', or 'goal' to have once she grew up. I am her Mommy and I struggle every day with the role of 'Mommyhood'. I run from the conventions of it, and struggle to through duties that I believe, come natural to others. Hannah's only real model of motherhood is me and maybe Ron. Hannah is, in so many ways a combination or Ron and I. She is feminine and loves make up, wants to wear dresses ever day of the week...walks better in high heels then I do, and yet...she embraces taekwando like she was born Korean, has a high tolerance for pain, is fearless in her desire to do new things. I see alot of myself in her. Just not the 'mommy thing'.
Maybe I am missing the point...maybe she is 'my kind' of Mommy...after all.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Stacking & Chunking
I was given great advice a while back from an unlikely source. A few years ago my Karate instructor (who wasn't known for being deep or thoughtful) took 20 minutes of our lesson to talk about techniques for dealing with stress. Our class was made up of type "A" adults chasingt the dream of achieving blackbelts in a testosterone ladin Kenpo Karate Dojo. This was not the kinder, gentler martial arts environment. This was a 'pop the broken nose back straight' and shake off the concussion kind of Dojo, yet we were all having difficulties balancing work, life, family and our own growth and desires.
He told us about stacking and chunking. Apparently we (probably the 'whiny, no real hardship' we) tend to stack the bad and chunk the good. An example of this is: I woke up in the morning yesterday in Tahoe, with pain, had to deal with my nephews bopping all over my folks condo, we had to clean up, hit the road after Ron finished his conference call, we didn't get out until 11:00 (after me, my brother and sis in law scrubbed clean the place) got stuck in the storm on highway 80 and took 5 hours to get down a normally 2 hour drive down the mountain...blah blah blah. See how I am stacking all of the bad stuff? I am picking apart the stresses of the day and stacking them up like bricks. At the rate I am going, there is going to be a tower of bricks in front of me and the stress of yesterday is going to seem insurmountable and overwhelming...but what if I chunked it? What if I said 'hey, we had a long day yesterday getting home from Tahoe, but we made it' Then, wow...the stress of yesterday melts away...it isn't even a bricks worth.
What do we do with the 'good stuff'? Those days, weekends, even weeks where everything goes great and good things pile upon good things? Do we say 'I woke up in the morning, had the best piece of sourdough bread EVER (Truckee Sourdough Company really does make the best sourdough bread), jumped into my ski clothing, got up to the ski area in time to get the BEST parking spot, got Hannah in ski school (even had the 'report card' from last trip) and she was BUMPED UP to a higher class!!! Then, rented the gear in a smooth and easy transaction and hand my first run of the day that was crisp and powdery and perfect!!! Blah Blah Blah...
This has been a goal of mine for a while and I am in the process of evangalizing this to who ever will listen. If I have enough people chunking the bad and stacking the good, I may even find myself surrounded by relaxed, happy and grateful people and then, hopefully some of that relaxation, positive attitude and good feeling will leach off on me!
He told us about stacking and chunking. Apparently we (probably the 'whiny, no real hardship' we) tend to stack the bad and chunk the good. An example of this is: I woke up in the morning yesterday in Tahoe, with pain, had to deal with my nephews bopping all over my folks condo, we had to clean up, hit the road after Ron finished his conference call, we didn't get out until 11:00 (after me, my brother and sis in law scrubbed clean the place) got stuck in the storm on highway 80 and took 5 hours to get down a normally 2 hour drive down the mountain...blah blah blah. See how I am stacking all of the bad stuff? I am picking apart the stresses of the day and stacking them up like bricks. At the rate I am going, there is going to be a tower of bricks in front of me and the stress of yesterday is going to seem insurmountable and overwhelming...but what if I chunked it? What if I said 'hey, we had a long day yesterday getting home from Tahoe, but we made it' Then, wow...the stress of yesterday melts away...it isn't even a bricks worth.
What do we do with the 'good stuff'? Those days, weekends, even weeks where everything goes great and good things pile upon good things? Do we say 'I woke up in the morning, had the best piece of sourdough bread EVER (Truckee Sourdough Company really does make the best sourdough bread), jumped into my ski clothing, got up to the ski area in time to get the BEST parking spot, got Hannah in ski school (even had the 'report card' from last trip) and she was BUMPED UP to a higher class!!! Then, rented the gear in a smooth and easy transaction and hand my first run of the day that was crisp and powdery and perfect!!! Blah Blah Blah...
This has been a goal of mine for a while and I am in the process of evangalizing this to who ever will listen. If I have enough people chunking the bad and stacking the good, I may even find myself surrounded by relaxed, happy and grateful people and then, hopefully some of that relaxation, positive attitude and good feeling will leach off on me!
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Choices
My husband had a conversation with his cousin yesterday. She is at a personal fork in the road and trying to make educated decisions about her future. She is balancing out personal goals, with personality and passions and the choices she has to make are confusing and stressful.
As far as I am concerned there are a few choices in life that you make that are irreversible (choices in regards to procreation and the outcome, a child, for instance 'ARE' irreversible). There are, however, many choices that can be made with the information you have at the time that, in hindsight, might not have been the best course of action...that, in the long run lead you to the path of the 'right choice' or a if not the right one, just a different one.
One of the things that is amazing about life is that it is impossible to predict the future with any sense of certainty. We can plan, and set goals, but at the end of the day, week, month or year, outside forces can occur to change and reshape those plans. While I don't advocate allowing life to 'happen', I do believe that many experiences occur for reasons that, at the time seem unrelated to our dreams, desires and futures and then end up being exactly the right thing for us at the right time.
My advice on choices is to make the choice that makes you happy and motivated and gets you out of bed in the morning. The choice that you make if there were no one else influencing you. After all...it is your life and you need to live it you way.
As far as I am concerned there are a few choices in life that you make that are irreversible (choices in regards to procreation and the outcome, a child, for instance 'ARE' irreversible). There are, however, many choices that can be made with the information you have at the time that, in hindsight, might not have been the best course of action...that, in the long run lead you to the path of the 'right choice' or a if not the right one, just a different one.
One of the things that is amazing about life is that it is impossible to predict the future with any sense of certainty. We can plan, and set goals, but at the end of the day, week, month or year, outside forces can occur to change and reshape those plans. While I don't advocate allowing life to 'happen', I do believe that many experiences occur for reasons that, at the time seem unrelated to our dreams, desires and futures and then end up being exactly the right thing for us at the right time.
My advice on choices is to make the choice that makes you happy and motivated and gets you out of bed in the morning. The choice that you make if there were no one else influencing you. After all...it is your life and you need to live it you way.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Uber Responsible
I have, ever since the age of 21, felt an over whelming sense of responsibility to the people in my life, the jobs I hold and the 'running' of my household. There were times in college, as well as early in my career when certain aspects of my life spun out of control and after dealing with the consequences of my actions I was determined to never let that happen again. That being said, it is impossible to be responsible for everything, to keep a grip on all that is your world and to do it with out either cutting corners or leaving loose ends.
Money is one of those things I am responsible about. I don't know if it is the moderate influence of my parents, or a true understanding of how, when you live with in your means, you never feel a crushing sense of impending doom when things in your work, or home life go sideways enough to 'cost' something.
I feel a huge sense of responsibility to my children too. With Robbie is a more complex role these days...the balance of giving him enough freedom, but still fully being there and being engaged. 16 is a very important age. He is so close to the sheltered independence that college will offer him and feel responsible for guidance, support and direction. Hannah, it is more a sense of day to day responsibilities and the 'introduction' to opportunities as she grows from a dependent toddler to a child with her own sense of self and direction.
Work is another responsibility. I sometimes wonder if I did a job that required no thought or strategic thinking, if life would be easier.
Responsibilty is, in many ways, a state of mind. I don't know if it is learned, nutured, or ingrained and why, I personally feel so much of it, so strongly...I just know I do.
Money is one of those things I am responsible about. I don't know if it is the moderate influence of my parents, or a true understanding of how, when you live with in your means, you never feel a crushing sense of impending doom when things in your work, or home life go sideways enough to 'cost' something.
I feel a huge sense of responsibility to my children too. With Robbie is a more complex role these days...the balance of giving him enough freedom, but still fully being there and being engaged. 16 is a very important age. He is so close to the sheltered independence that college will offer him and feel responsible for guidance, support and direction. Hannah, it is more a sense of day to day responsibilities and the 'introduction' to opportunities as she grows from a dependent toddler to a child with her own sense of self and direction.
Work is another responsibility. I sometimes wonder if I did a job that required no thought or strategic thinking, if life would be easier.
Responsibilty is, in many ways, a state of mind. I don't know if it is learned, nutured, or ingrained and why, I personally feel so much of it, so strongly...I just know I do.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Number 2
The company I work for recently lost first place in a technology announcement to one of our competitors and we are in the position of (if all goes well) being in second place.
What is it about being number two, versus number one that really matters? It isn't like you didn't 'place' or that your efforts weren't almost neck and neck with number one.
If you look at traditional competitions, number one wins the gold, the big check, the adulation, the endorsements and the glory. Who remembers who won the olympic silver or was second place on Survivor in season one?
In technology being number 2 (at least for a period of time) isn't the worst thing a company can do. Sometimes (maybe not in the case with Google) being number two means you learn from number one's mistakes. You watch as they go to market with new technology, new IP and then you take the best practices and the worst and you learn from their successes and their mistakes. Think about the browser space, the search space, the internet in general. Companies that reigned in the '90's (Mosaic, Alta Vista, even Yahoo!) are not the leaders of the new millineum.
As we grow as individuals, can we apply this process or principle in our assent to the top in our careers? Can we look at our colleagues in roles that have more prestige and compensation and say...hey, today I am going to learn from this person's successes, but also from their mistakes so that next time the opportunity arises, "I" will strive to be number one.
That, I believe, is possible.
What is it about being number two, versus number one that really matters? It isn't like you didn't 'place' or that your efforts weren't almost neck and neck with number one.
If you look at traditional competitions, number one wins the gold, the big check, the adulation, the endorsements and the glory. Who remembers who won the olympic silver or was second place on Survivor in season one?
In technology being number 2 (at least for a period of time) isn't the worst thing a company can do. Sometimes (maybe not in the case with Google) being number two means you learn from number one's mistakes. You watch as they go to market with new technology, new IP and then you take the best practices and the worst and you learn from their successes and their mistakes. Think about the browser space, the search space, the internet in general. Companies that reigned in the '90's (Mosaic, Alta Vista, even Yahoo!) are not the leaders of the new millineum.
As we grow as individuals, can we apply this process or principle in our assent to the top in our careers? Can we look at our colleagues in roles that have more prestige and compensation and say...hey, today I am going to learn from this person's successes, but also from their mistakes so that next time the opportunity arises, "I" will strive to be number one.
That, I believe, is possible.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Papa Bruce
I have been thinking alot about the departure of my boss and wondering why I am so affected by that departure. What was it about him that struck a chord in me? I have a history of getting along well with my managers and I have long term relationships with just about every manager I have had over the years, but there was something different about my recent boss that made me wonder what it was that drew me and my loyalty to him.
I believe it is because he had a similar outlook and personality to my dad.
You see, my dad, he was the guy who took ALL the shots. He invested (and still invests) heavily in his dreams and he absolutely is better for the journey.
While he didn't have the wanderlust that my boss and I exhibit, he absolutely had the dreams of glory.
Way back in the 80's my dad decided he wanted to start a family 'side' business. I am sure this was not my dad's first great venture, but it is the first one I am aware
He decided he was going to license the Shmoo. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shmoo
We, as a family were then going to build a business around products, programs etc, all starring the Shmoo. Around that time, my grandfather got ill (and subsequently died) and my dad dropped this adventure. It was okay with him though, because he had spent a good 6 months doing the research and creating building the dream.
The next big venture was his eBook reader. This dream extended from the late '90's and is still going strong today. He hasn't made a cent, but his patent is cited in a number of other products including the Kindle. He still has high hopes for who knows what.
Next...BlazeNPaddles. Dad traveled to France with Mom and discovered Tarte Flambes (roughly translated to 'Fire Pie'). Dad did his research and realized that there were no restauranteurs selling or leveraging this yummy french delicacy.He decided to drop this project due to my mom becoming ill. It didn't matter...he had fun thinking about it. On a side note, Ron and I picked up the BlazeNPaddles concept, started our LLC This N That Enterprises with the intent to sell (briefly) Pizza Peels with Tarte Flambe Kits online. I still have a bunch of beautiful, hand made peels in my garage ;)
Mom got better so they traveled to France again (can you sense a theme?), and there he discovered Red Currant Wine. Wow! If he could only grow red currants and make wine here in California, he could market it through his wine broker. He went as far as looking at land in ClearLake California, buying a special refrigerator and importing red currants from France. I think he still has the fridge...
Today...he is writing a mystery novel, has launched a foundation (that is focusing it's philanthropy on the research of communication to Alzheimer's patients) and is still working on the prototyping and marketing of his eBook IP.
My dad is my hero. He is the most successful person I know. Not because he is the wealthiest in things and money.
He has adult children and grandchildren who have been influenced by his dreams and his unfailing desire to try new things.
My dad has never lost sight of what is important: Family first (mom being number one), his integrity, and his desire to ALWAYS look forward.
I believe it is because he had a similar outlook and personality to my dad.
You see, my dad, he was the guy who took ALL the shots. He invested (and still invests) heavily in his dreams and he absolutely is better for the journey.
While he didn't have the wanderlust that my boss and I exhibit, he absolutely had the dreams of glory.
Way back in the 80's my dad decided he wanted to start a family 'side' business. I am sure this was not my dad's first great venture, but it is the first one I am aware
He decided he was going to license the Shmoo. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shmoo
We, as a family were then going to build a business around products, programs etc, all starring the Shmoo. Around that time, my grandfather got ill (and subsequently died) and my dad dropped this adventure. It was okay with him though, because he had spent a good 6 months doing the research and creating building the dream.
The next big venture was his eBook reader. This dream extended from the late '90's and is still going strong today. He hasn't made a cent, but his patent is cited in a number of other products including the Kindle. He still has high hopes for who knows what.
Next...BlazeNPaddles. Dad traveled to France with Mom and discovered Tarte Flambes (roughly translated to 'Fire Pie'). Dad did his research and realized that there were no restauranteurs selling or leveraging this yummy french delicacy.He decided to drop this project due to my mom becoming ill. It didn't matter...he had fun thinking about it. On a side note, Ron and I picked up the BlazeNPaddles concept, started our LLC This N That Enterprises with the intent to sell (briefly) Pizza Peels with Tarte Flambe Kits online. I still have a bunch of beautiful, hand made peels in my garage ;)
Mom got better so they traveled to France again (can you sense a theme?), and there he discovered Red Currant Wine. Wow! If he could only grow red currants and make wine here in California, he could market it through his wine broker. He went as far as looking at land in ClearLake California, buying a special refrigerator and importing red currants from France. I think he still has the fridge...
Today...he is writing a mystery novel, has launched a foundation (that is focusing it's philanthropy on the research of communication to Alzheimer's patients) and is still working on the prototyping and marketing of his eBook IP.
My dad is my hero. He is the most successful person I know. Not because he is the wealthiest in things and money.
He has adult children and grandchildren who have been influenced by his dreams and his unfailing desire to try new things.
My dad has never lost sight of what is important: Family first (mom being number one), his integrity, and his desire to ALWAYS look forward.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Too much Gin
Ron sent me this post a month or so back http://www.shirky.com/herecomeseverybody/2008/04/looking-for-the-mouse.html and it has been on my mind since.
I have been metaphorically drinking too much Gin lately.
With the world swirling around me in ways that I can't control and the inevitable boredom of a less then challeging career...instead of extending myself out, doing more, being more and taking advantage of what is available to me I am 'swigging Gin'. My daily grind includes a routine that does nothing to shake me out of this state of 'inebriation'. Get up in the morning (after a night of teeth grinding and uneasy dreams), meet my family obligations, go to work, come home, meet my family obligations and go to bed for another night of teeth grinding and uneasy dreams. My minding numbing routine is my 'Gin'.
I want to contribute and think and develop and research and learn...I really do. I am just not sure where to begin. My own apathy seems to be getting in the way.
I think I need to detox, but I believe I need a program that provides alternative distractions, one that 'replaces' my need for numb with a desire to feel, to be alive.
Really...I hate Gin.
I have been metaphorically drinking too much Gin lately.
With the world swirling around me in ways that I can't control and the inevitable boredom of a less then challeging career...instead of extending myself out, doing more, being more and taking advantage of what is available to me I am 'swigging Gin'. My daily grind includes a routine that does nothing to shake me out of this state of 'inebriation'. Get up in the morning (after a night of teeth grinding and uneasy dreams), meet my family obligations, go to work, come home, meet my family obligations and go to bed for another night of teeth grinding and uneasy dreams. My minding numbing routine is my 'Gin'.
I want to contribute and think and develop and research and learn...I really do. I am just not sure where to begin. My own apathy seems to be getting in the way.
I think I need to detox, but I believe I need a program that provides alternative distractions, one that 'replaces' my need for numb with a desire to feel, to be alive.
Really...I hate Gin.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Change Part Deux
I returned to work today after a lovely week with my family in the mountains to find that my 'work world' had been turned upside down. My beloved boss quit and two of my most respected colleagues are also no longer with the company.
I would be dissembling if I said I did not understand why these people were sacrificed
What I realized after the fact was that integrity (capital 'I') comes with a cost. My boss, he has integrity.
I would be dissembling if I said I did not understand why these people were sacrificed
What I realized after the fact was that integrity (capital 'I') comes with a cost. My boss, he has integrity.
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