It is a hard thing, to be betrayed. Harder still when the one who betrays you is someone you trusted, opened up to, and considered that all important and rare commodity, 'a friend'.
The dictionary defines betrayal in a couple of ways:
To deliver or expose an enemy to treachery or disloyalty
To be unfaithful in guarding, maintaining or fulfilling
To disappoint the hopes, or expectations
To reveal, unconsciously
The worst form of betrayal is not the exposure of an enemy to treachery or disloyalty. It is the exposure of a friend's treachery. How difficult to be betrayed by someone who professed to have one's best interests at heart, one who is coaching, offering advice and providing feedback. Someone one looked up to, listened to, trusted. How hard to look at that person in the face, knowing that the facade is just that, a facade that hides someone who is untrue.
It is folly to think that anyone lives a life empty of dissembling or manipulation (or even dishonesty) but there a levels and a scale in which dishonesty and betrayal go from 'benign' to toxic.
What happens to one who is betrayed? Does that individual seek revenge, slink away to wallow in pain, or lift one's head and recognize that one who betrays is really betraying themselves and that in time the machinations will open them up to a certain vulnerability as well as a degradation of spirit and soul that will lead to unhappiness, loss of prestige, power and control.
At the end of the day, it is better to be truthful, to protect one's own soul, then to betray a trust, for what ever reason.
Friday, December 16, 2011
Monday, December 12, 2011
Beauty
Hannah is beautiful. Independent corroboration has determined this. The average person on the street stops and comments on her visual exterior beauty on a more regular basis then is considered normal.
Recently a colleague of mine (who happens to be drop dead gorgeous) and I discussed outward beauty and what it meant in terms of the doors it opens, the opinions that are formed and the drawbacks of being better than average visually. I pondered with my colleague whether it was helpful or a deterient to being taken seriously. We both agree that there are certain aspects that are a benefit, but that there have been circumstances that also occur that make it hard to determine whether it was helpful or hurtful.
Back to Hannah. We focus a lot on the importance of beauty on the inside...the kindness, thoughtfulness and necessity to be a good person to others. We talk of the people we know who get 'uglier' as we get to know them (based on a shallowness, a lack of compassion, or a lack of true depth). We also speak of those who get more beautiful as we engage them, who's inner beauty shines and lights up their outer countenance. We hope that she gets the message and as she grows up she understands the importance being beautiful on the 'inside'.
I read an incredible book this weekend. It was about Vera Atkins, a spymistress from England during World War II and recollections include comment & focus on her physical appearance and exterior beauty. After reading, I searched for pictures on the internet and found a women who, in modern standards would be considered normal or average in appearance. After reading the book, I could only imagine that those who knew her would believe firmly that she was the most beautiful woman in the world based on her sheer desire to help others (millions of others) in need. That is beauty.
Recently a colleague of mine (who happens to be drop dead gorgeous) and I discussed outward beauty and what it meant in terms of the doors it opens, the opinions that are formed and the drawbacks of being better than average visually. I pondered with my colleague whether it was helpful or a deterient to being taken seriously. We both agree that there are certain aspects that are a benefit, but that there have been circumstances that also occur that make it hard to determine whether it was helpful or hurtful.
Back to Hannah. We focus a lot on the importance of beauty on the inside...the kindness, thoughtfulness and necessity to be a good person to others. We talk of the people we know who get 'uglier' as we get to know them (based on a shallowness, a lack of compassion, or a lack of true depth). We also speak of those who get more beautiful as we engage them, who's inner beauty shines and lights up their outer countenance. We hope that she gets the message and as she grows up she understands the importance being beautiful on the 'inside'.
I read an incredible book this weekend. It was about Vera Atkins, a spymistress from England during World War II and recollections include comment & focus on her physical appearance and exterior beauty. After reading, I searched for pictures on the internet and found a women who, in modern standards would be considered normal or average in appearance. After reading the book, I could only imagine that those who knew her would believe firmly that she was the most beautiful woman in the world based on her sheer desire to help others (millions of others) in need. That is beauty.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Sin
I went to church today. Ron joked that he and Hannah were going to avoid standing to close to me in case I burst into flames.
There is a lot mentioned about sin at church. I haven't really given to much thought to the idea of sin. Is it that I am, at heart a sinner? Prior to writing this post, I would not be able to list the Seven Deadly Sins. For those of you who read my blog and didn't know either, I thought I would post them below:
Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Acedia (This word translates to apathy), Wrath, Envy, Pride and Vainglory (boasting).
Consider the below my 'sin assessment':
Let's start with lust. Lust is apparently 'excessive' sexual thoughts. What is considered 'excessive'? There isn't a moment of the day that I don't allow my thoughts to stray to lustful thoughts if I can. The positive feelings and warmth associated with a lustful thought help stave off the frustrations and difficulties in every day life. Am I sinning by 'thinking' lustful thoughts or is it a sin only if I actually engage in lustful activities. Where does one draw the line? It is definite that I am guilty of this sin.
Gluttony is an interesting one. The definition that is provided is 'over consumption of anything' to the point of waste. I personally try and not be a glutton when it comes to food, but there are times when I over indulge. I think wine might fall under this category so I am thinking this is also a 'sin' in my yes column.
If you asked me point blank if I thought I was greedy, I would probably say no, but if Greed is defined as access then I can identify with this sin. Every time I go to Costco or Winners and buy a pair of shoes I don't need I am guilty of greed. I guess I have to mark this one as a yes as well.
Sloth. Yes. Lately. There is always an excuse to not exercise, to drive versus walk, to sit versus stand. To not give unto others, but to take (a sign of laziness) and to mentally not challenge myself to do 'more'. No excuses, just sin.
Acedia (or apathy, depression with out joy) is probably not high on my list of sins, however, if you talk to me after a challenging, unfruitful day of work, I tend to indulge in this sin as a default. Hmmm...I may need to put this in a gray area, little yes, little no.
Wrath. Yes. I have (and do) exhibit rage at times. Revenge is part of wrath and I have sought revenge for my perceived personal wrongs. Sigh...here is yet another sin I am guilty of.
On no! Envy! I can't help but look at the bigger condo, the nicer dress and the less lined face, younger face (and/or smaller butt) and feel envy. How does one avoid this sin? There is always someone one rung up the ladder, right where you hope to stand.
Pride is a sin. We tell our children we are proud of them. We say we are proud of ourselves. I take 'pride' in my work. Sin. Once again, I seem to find myself in the yes, versus no column.
The last sin in Vainglory. This is not a word we hear in this day and age. Apparently it means unjustified boasting (modern day narcissism.) I have to admit that at times I am narcissistic. I focus too much time and energy on the outer trappings, worry too much about the minutiae in life and focus (okay obsess) on issues that really only effect one person, me. If that is vainglory, then I am guilty as charged.
I didn't burst into flames today. I took away something important from the homily as well as the theme of the sermon.
I walked away with the knowledge that I am indeed a sinner, but that the first step in atonement is to acknowledge one's sins and ask for forgiveness.
I have acknowledged that I am a sinner. When I am ready to stop sinning, I will start asking for forgiveness.
There is a lot mentioned about sin at church. I haven't really given to much thought to the idea of sin. Is it that I am, at heart a sinner? Prior to writing this post, I would not be able to list the Seven Deadly Sins. For those of you who read my blog and didn't know either, I thought I would post them below:
Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Acedia (This word translates to apathy), Wrath, Envy, Pride and Vainglory (boasting).
Consider the below my 'sin assessment':
Let's start with lust. Lust is apparently 'excessive' sexual thoughts. What is considered 'excessive'? There isn't a moment of the day that I don't allow my thoughts to stray to lustful thoughts if I can. The positive feelings and warmth associated with a lustful thought help stave off the frustrations and difficulties in every day life. Am I sinning by 'thinking' lustful thoughts or is it a sin only if I actually engage in lustful activities. Where does one draw the line? It is definite that I am guilty of this sin.
Gluttony is an interesting one. The definition that is provided is 'over consumption of anything' to the point of waste. I personally try and not be a glutton when it comes to food, but there are times when I over indulge. I think wine might fall under this category so I am thinking this is also a 'sin' in my yes column.
If you asked me point blank if I thought I was greedy, I would probably say no, but if Greed is defined as access then I can identify with this sin. Every time I go to Costco or Winners and buy a pair of shoes I don't need I am guilty of greed. I guess I have to mark this one as a yes as well.
Sloth. Yes. Lately. There is always an excuse to not exercise, to drive versus walk, to sit versus stand. To not give unto others, but to take (a sign of laziness) and to mentally not challenge myself to do 'more'. No excuses, just sin.
Acedia (or apathy, depression with out joy) is probably not high on my list of sins, however, if you talk to me after a challenging, unfruitful day of work, I tend to indulge in this sin as a default. Hmmm...I may need to put this in a gray area, little yes, little no.
Wrath. Yes. I have (and do) exhibit rage at times. Revenge is part of wrath and I have sought revenge for my perceived personal wrongs. Sigh...here is yet another sin I am guilty of.
On no! Envy! I can't help but look at the bigger condo, the nicer dress and the less lined face, younger face (and/or smaller butt) and feel envy. How does one avoid this sin? There is always someone one rung up the ladder, right where you hope to stand.
Pride is a sin. We tell our children we are proud of them. We say we are proud of ourselves. I take 'pride' in my work. Sin. Once again, I seem to find myself in the yes, versus no column.
The last sin in Vainglory. This is not a word we hear in this day and age. Apparently it means unjustified boasting (modern day narcissism.) I have to admit that at times I am narcissistic. I focus too much time and energy on the outer trappings, worry too much about the minutiae in life and focus (okay obsess) on issues that really only effect one person, me. If that is vainglory, then I am guilty as charged.
I didn't burst into flames today. I took away something important from the homily as well as the theme of the sermon.
I walked away with the knowledge that I am indeed a sinner, but that the first step in atonement is to acknowledge one's sins and ask for forgiveness.
I have acknowledged that I am a sinner. When I am ready to stop sinning, I will start asking for forgiveness.
Friday, December 2, 2011
Running away and joining the circus
Ever since I watched on television the old Disney movie 'Toby Tyler' I dreamed of running away and joining the circus. If I could just live in a small wagon, juggle a few items, maybe walk the tightrope and all in perfect smiling make up and a tu tu...wow...I would be happy and satisfied.
It is my line when life's pressures weigh on me and I lack the coping skills to deal with tomorrow or the next day. When a safety net seems not only a good idea, but necessary to catch me when I am falling down.
What is it about the thought of 'running away' that is so appealing. Does it mean that I will not have to wash my clothing? Pay a bill? Pick up the child? Walk the dog? Go to work? Meet the demands that other's have on my life. What I am I running away from? What am I running to?
Responsibility. What a hard, and difficult word. My sense of responsibility to the others around me is a heavy load. The responsibility to the children I gave birth to, the man I married, the dog I didn't really want, but have, it exists...ongoing. Extend it to a job that is challenging, a family that is extended, a world that is expensive and scary-- the weight of all of it seems unmanageable.
Ah...the circus. Flying through the air, knowing if you drop, you will still be okay (a net is there, after all). The clowns that make you laugh. The uprooting and restarting in a new city, town, country. The 'family' that isn't 'your family' (or your responsibility). The challenges physical, not mental. It seems so attractive, so simple, so uncomplicated.
Conversely I could say 'My current life is a circus'. The balls I juggle, the objects I balance on, the people I paint on a smile for and hope that they don't see through the 'act'. The world at large that I am here, on this planet, to entertain. To suspend disbelief. To give a respite from their own issues and troubles.
Maybe it isn't the circus I want to run away to. Maybe I am already IN the circus.
It is my line when life's pressures weigh on me and I lack the coping skills to deal with tomorrow or the next day. When a safety net seems not only a good idea, but necessary to catch me when I am falling down.
What is it about the thought of 'running away' that is so appealing. Does it mean that I will not have to wash my clothing? Pay a bill? Pick up the child? Walk the dog? Go to work? Meet the demands that other's have on my life. What I am I running away from? What am I running to?
Responsibility. What a hard, and difficult word. My sense of responsibility to the others around me is a heavy load. The responsibility to the children I gave birth to, the man I married, the dog I didn't really want, but have, it exists...ongoing. Extend it to a job that is challenging, a family that is extended, a world that is expensive and scary-- the weight of all of it seems unmanageable.
Ah...the circus. Flying through the air, knowing if you drop, you will still be okay (a net is there, after all). The clowns that make you laugh. The uprooting and restarting in a new city, town, country. The 'family' that isn't 'your family' (or your responsibility). The challenges physical, not mental. It seems so attractive, so simple, so uncomplicated.
Conversely I could say 'My current life is a circus'. The balls I juggle, the objects I balance on, the people I paint on a smile for and hope that they don't see through the 'act'. The world at large that I am here, on this planet, to entertain. To suspend disbelief. To give a respite from their own issues and troubles.
Maybe it isn't the circus I want to run away to. Maybe I am already IN the circus.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Success versus Power
Lately I have been pondering the difference between success and power. According to Dictionary.com there are a couple definitions for the word 'success'. I like this version: The favorable outcome of something attempted. Power, on the other hand is defined as: Great or marked ability to do or act; strength, might, force.
What defines a powerful person? How about a successful one? If I had a choice, would I wish to be powerful, or successful?
One theory is that those who seek power are fearful. There is a Chinese quote that 'Those who seek power for personal ends eventually run afoul of popular opinion'.
On success there is a quote by Sri Chinmoy that 'True success is the only thing you can not have unless you have offered it to others'.
Here are my thoughts on people who seek power, versus people who seek success:
People who seek power are looking to control. They are looking to control the insecurities in themselves and attempt to exploit others to achieve control.
People who are successful have a positive attitude and while they have fear, they don't let it control them. They recognized they need others to accomplish their goals and leverage those relationships.
Power is fleeting. Success is sustainable.
Success can be shared, celebrated, grown, nurtured.
Power is individual, and shifts from one person to another--a grasp, a climb, a precarious position.
Success can be measured. Power cannot.
People can be caught in the crossfires of a power struggle. Have you ever heard of anyone 'jockeying' for success? One can be powerless or unsuccessful, but the implications of those words are different. One can dust themselves off from an unsuccessful attempt and try again, but powerlessness implies that one is rendered such by others and can be stuck there.
People in power manipulate others. Success requires effort and hard work.
Power corrupts. Success requires focused optimism.
It is obvious that I believe that being a successful person is more important than being a powerful one. Not to say that I don't believe in being empowered or in empowering others because that is different. Being empowered means there is a sharing of power, not a desire 'for' power. Empowering others can lead to success.
Starting today, I will surround myself with successful people and seek a favorable outcome to the problems I am faced with. How about you?
What defines a powerful person? How about a successful one? If I had a choice, would I wish to be powerful, or successful?
One theory is that those who seek power are fearful. There is a Chinese quote that 'Those who seek power for personal ends eventually run afoul of popular opinion'.
On success there is a quote by Sri Chinmoy that 'True success is the only thing you can not have unless you have offered it to others'.
Here are my thoughts on people who seek power, versus people who seek success:
People who seek power are looking to control. They are looking to control the insecurities in themselves and attempt to exploit others to achieve control.
People who are successful have a positive attitude and while they have fear, they don't let it control them. They recognized they need others to accomplish their goals and leverage those relationships.
Power is fleeting. Success is sustainable.
Success can be shared, celebrated, grown, nurtured.
Power is individual, and shifts from one person to another--a grasp, a climb, a precarious position.
Success can be measured. Power cannot.
People can be caught in the crossfires of a power struggle. Have you ever heard of anyone 'jockeying' for success? One can be powerless or unsuccessful, but the implications of those words are different. One can dust themselves off from an unsuccessful attempt and try again, but powerlessness implies that one is rendered such by others and can be stuck there.
People in power manipulate others. Success requires effort and hard work.
Power corrupts. Success requires focused optimism.
It is obvious that I believe that being a successful person is more important than being a powerful one. Not to say that I don't believe in being empowered or in empowering others because that is different. Being empowered means there is a sharing of power, not a desire 'for' power. Empowering others can lead to success.
Starting today, I will surround myself with successful people and seek a favorable outcome to the problems I am faced with. How about you?
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